Hola "amigos"! I was awfully busy the whole week. "What could you possibly be busy with, you wanker?" you might ask. And I don't blame you. Cos' I am a notoriously lazy mofo. Yah. But. I have enrolled on a biking expedition to Åland with a bunch of buddies.
It used to be a yearly thing. Then, some three years ago, I got my first serious batch of mental problems, and the tradition was broken. Until that time we went to Åland on 3 consecutive times, and once we ventured as far as Gotland. This time it's going to be a rather mundane (by now) trip to Åland, and then on to an archipelago close to the mainland, Kustavi, a picteresque area north of Turku. I expect us to make something around 500 - 600 Km on this trip. After that it's back to the grind of work, work, work... But I digress. Somewhat.
The reason for my busyness is that my bike (Kuwahara Pro Comp GR) was standing unused and forgotten for the past 2 years, and once I decided to refit it the ammount of problems that have apparently accumulated turned out to be almost unbearable. So far I have sunk 200 Euros into the bloody machine (and that does not include the camping gear, i.e. sleeping bag, matress, food, sadlebags, clothes...). So now I have all the spare parts, but I have to fit them as well... And that is one daunting task for a mechanically challenged nerd-boy. I just hope I make it in time for the departure on friday the 2nd, 15.00 PM (the bus to Turku). Oh. One other thing. I have a Kryptonite (TM) lock on my bike, locked on to it in a way that does not inhibit movement, but that still prevents removing the lock from the bike. Well, I naturally lost the keys during the two years of neglect. I tried sawing it today with an ordinary metal saw, but it proved to be impossible. The metal used to make the lock is weird, the saw just slips on it, barely scratching the surface... So far I managed to saw a pathetic 2mm deep grove in an hour of work. Yay. So I guess I will be lugging around a kilo of extra weight for the next 500Km. Well, at least now I know that the adverts for Kryptonite Locks (TM) don't lie. The fuckers really are tough.
Oh, and if you are wondering about the picture of the day, well, it's a Gazelle workout thingamajig. My girly bought it off.. THE TV-SHOP! She is the only person (so far) that I know of who actually bought something off the TV-Shop network. We spent a glorious hour piecing the hellish contraption together. Lets hope she wont be dissapointed. It did set her back 210 Eur after all.
The link of the day... Hmm. I just saw it and was shocked. And envious. Well, more envious than shocked. Here it is, the object of my envy. Tobey Maguire's monstrous shlong. Sigh..
Ze Gazelle!
26.06.2004
Here I am, chain smoking and enjoying a quiet morning beer. It's raining, of course, but I am cozy and warm, sitting wrapped in my blanket in front of the PC. Bliss. Melancholy, soothing bliss, with only the delicate crackle of the inhaled cigarette burning up to disturb..nay, to comfort me, in my musings.
As you might or might not know, yesterday the whole of the mighty nation of Finland celebarted midsummers eve. The longest day, it never gets dark... And everybody gets wasted. People are lighting big-ass bonfires, and everybody stays up to greet the sun, as it completes its short trek beneath the horizon. Also, it is traditional to go swimming when drunk. On a "good" year we have a dozen or more drownings around the country during the Juhannus (that's what it's called in finnish). I almost met that fate myself, back in 1995. The same night I had my first kiss and my first cunnilingus experience.
Our "Juhannus" was dull. We took a walk, I had a couple of beers, and we watched "Matchstick Men". I rather liked the movie, I must say. I recommend. My buds were apparently having a good time, but I was in a boring, antisocial mood. Besides, my girly had work the next day, and that certainly complicated matters somewhat. Oh well. I didn't really feel like going out, what with my voluntary solitary confinement. I am content with staying indoors, playing computer games and pissing on the couch.
I guess I should spoil you guys and gals with a link, eh? Well, here is a rather traditional pornographic directory. Nice young amateurs, imaginatively named "Pictures of Woman". Sigh. What is the world coming to.
Celebrating Juhannus.The Kontula way.
25.06.2004
Long time no see again. Not since that post where I was drinking alone, talking about relationships... Oh, and btw, that time I didn't settle for a 6-pack. Nu-huh. The 6-pack just got me through last post. Yeees... You know that thing, about one beer being nothing, two beers is getting there, three beers is a bit too much, and four is nowhere near enough... Well, one six-pack was nowhere near enough. There was the second six-pack, and eventually (although I have no recollection of it, but I counted the bottles afterwards...) a third. Oh dear. And that was done all alone (Hello, my name is Asmo, and I'm an alcoholic). Reading web comics, just generally doing nothing. I vaguely remember, however, that I sent some horribly embarrasing SMS'es to my ex. And my dad, I think? And probably a score of other people I just don't remember about. I hope I didn't say anything stupid. I really, really do. But I know I probably did.
From there on, it just got worse. I remember moments of sheer terror when I lost control of my motor funcions, and, most importantly, of the keyboard, and, get this, lost my fucking glasses. After that it all generally tapered out into blissfull unconciousness.. My girly came home and found me passed out on the couch. In the morning... There was apatchofsuspiciousdampnessonthecouchunderme... The next two days were spent in a hangover. And mild depression.
Ahem. Good thing I don't have a comment thingy on this blog. But enough about all that depressing alcoholic stuff. This wednesday my ole' buddy from the english school took me sailing, on his H-Boat. This time it wasn't just a short day sail, but a journey of epic proportions, from Inkoo to Hanko. That's about 50 miles by sea. And the weather forecasts were bad, with winds a bit too strong for comfort, for an H-Boat anyway. So we started out from Inkoo, a nice picteresque harbour spoiled only by the presense of a bunch of piss-drunk finnish men in a powerboat moored next to us. They were in a rather quarrelsome mood. So we got out as quickly as possible. And had to motor for hours, the wind being dead against us, and the fairway too narrow to tack... We dropped our anchor for a quick lunch in a gorgeous natural cove (doing dishes in cold sea water aint much fun). Lovely. Pulling the anchor up I also pulled up a healthy dose of mud. The sea mud is more like oil than mud. It got all over my pants, and the boat. Brrr. We then went on motoring into the wind, until about 2am, and anchored to get some sleep... Our anchor dragged during the night, but I was so tired I hardly noticed, so it was up to skipper to correct the situation.
The next morning was dismal. I was woken up by the patter of the rain on the deck, and by the intolerable dampness of the cabin. It was not a good way to start the morning, especially if you know you have a good 7 hours of sailing ahead, harassed by the wind and drenched by cold rain... Oh well. We pulled on all our clothes, and went off, under a reefed mainsail only. Still making good progress, since the windspeed was somewhere around 10 m/s. Later on we let loose the jib as well, and our speed went up to 6 knots, with bursts as high as 6,8 knots recorded... It was fun, what can I say. Oh, and sorry for the rambling, disjointed account! I'll try to do better next time. Honest.
Night sailing kicks ass.
20.06.2004
Hullo kidses. Sigh. Where do I begin? Ah. At the beginning (Duh?)!
I woke up to the gentle, blissfull, tinny patter of the rain on the windowsill. Or, to be precise, I woke up to my girlfriend waking up. As has been the case ever since we moved in together. She hates letting me sleep (It's a gruesome sight, I admit), so she woke me up as well. Poking, licking, tweaking, kicking... Well, at lest everything but the licking part. That was just me. You know how them womenses are at their worst, especially if the woman in question happends to be a moring person. All the poking aside, I still managed to wake up in a rather good mood, mostly due to the fact that the rain was falling, the bed was cool and the sky gray... Plus I didn't have to go to work like the she-devil did! I know this sounds like I am some sort of a goth wannabe, but I just love the rain, especially if I am all cozied up in my bed and stuff...
Anyway, when cat's away the mice can play... I am referring to my girly. I can now play games on Jack (my PC.. Oh god. That's so nerdy...), play with myself, play sad or crappy songs, and generally just be me, but more so. Without fear of retribution. You might ask "What sort of a relationsip are you in that you can't be yourself in?". Well, here is a no-brainer for you: what kind a relationship can you be in that allows you to be yourself 100%? Eh? Eh? Ha! I hear no answer! It's must be either abusive or disfunctional. Or then you and your GF are very special people indeed. It's you get / you give. And that golden rule applies to every segment / sphere of the relationship. Indiscriminately (I am not even sure that is the correct word... What the fuck, lets give it a shot!), be it behavioural or material.
Anyway, how did this post end up all, I dunno, relationshippy? Here I am, listening to my music, going through my 6-pack, and, WTF, missing my girlfriend? I mean, fuck, she only left for work like 2 hours ago! Jeez... I guess I better go get that second 6-pack and watch some porn.. Seriously... I'm not getting any younger here. In fact, it just dawned on me here that I am, almost 30. Well, plus or minus 6 years... Still, scary stuff if you have always been convinced that you are eternal. And an atheist.
Oh, and in case you were wondering about that webcomic I was reading (And even if you weren't), here it is. A very worthwhile piece of art. I am not exaggerating! Read them all. Thats what I did.
Even Kontula is pretty if the sun is shining and you are tipsy...
19.06.2004
9 to 4... 9 to 5... It's all the same. It's slavery for me. I have to work more now, since I am going biking for over a week at the beginning of July. Biking? Self-inflicted torture, more like...
Anyway, the added pressures of earning enough money for the rent in a rather limited amount of time is stressing, to say the least. To put it down succinctly, work sucks. It drains you. And what with my failed bid at the higher education, I am somewhat uneasy about whatever the future might hold in store for me. It sure as hell doesn't seem to hold anything worthwhile. So it seems that the time has come to make some hard decisions... Lets hope I make the right ones. For once.
Oh well. while I struggle with myself, why don't you enjoy the beauty of nature pictured on the photo of the, um, day. Had a nice shashlik day out with dad and mt girly. Shashlik was not all that great, even though good, since it was made out of pork instead of lamb. But whatever. Enjoy.
And just because I can, I give you a filthy, dirty link of the day. Wait a sec.. That's not dirty! Here's dirty...
And here is something to make you think... And perhaps understand.
Pretty. Like poetry and dead puppies.
14.06.2004
I think I am still drunk. I doubt if I can get away with all that drinking till 6AM and not have a hangover. Although here is still hoping! I did puke twice yesterday, once neatly into my pint (empty, not going to waste good beer, am I now) and once neatly into the..sink. That might explain the lack of a hangover. I seem to have this uncanny ability to puke at will. No gaggin, choking, cramping or anything. It just comes up nice and smooth, not unlike stinky porridge. Unfortunately, even though I am still not suffering form the debilitating effects of a hangover, I missed work... And am broke. Wasted 100Eur yesterday, what with the taxi, and buying drinks for my girly (she's broke too) and myself. Sigh... At least I didn't wake up to the burning sun today, but to a nice, soothing rain...
And, some might say more importantly, I've forgotten to vote. Yay. I wanted to vote for Dave Liebkind (www.liberaalit.fi), The news today speak of a horribly dissapointing turnout at the polling stations, 45,3% by latest estimates. Governing parties are loosing out, and eurocritics are gaining seats.. BBC calls this "Unprecedented apathy"... And they are right. Even the newly admitted nations are not showing any enthusiasm in deciding what is practically their own fate, with Slovakia having the lowest voter turnout at 17%...
But fuck all that. I guess at this point I should introduce you to Rosey, our new cat. I think I've told you before that we gave away Ratsy, the pisser cat, to another family... Rose has a much nicer character and doesn't piss all over the place, which is kind of a big deal in my cat book. That's Rosey on the pic of the day... Mostlty since I failed to take any interesting pics yesterday....
Rosey...
13.06.2004
Uggh. Eyes hurt... It was so nicely rainy and green and fresh and... Stuff... Yesterday. And the day before yesterday. Like something out of a fantasy book. But today... Opening the curtains, I was blasted by sunlight. Pure, unfiltered sunlight. And the sight of two teen bimbos in miniskirts. Enjoying the said sunlight. Well, to be perfectly honest, I enjoyed the bimbos. But not the sunlight. And being blasted to smithereens by rogue photons is a steep price to pay for the dubious pleasure of oggling bimboes.
But... Where was I going with this? Hell, I don't know. What was I aiming for with this blog? Oh. Yes, wait. I wasn't. It was just another shot in the dark.
Anyway, let me at least attempt to bring some sense into this post. A friend of mine is turning..um..23? The younge bastard. But congrats and everything. I bought him a mercedes convertible. I am a useful friend to have, eh? The party is today at Maskotti. There will be a lot of quaffing and merry banter. Eh. Enough about that, though. I think I will now step out into the light and go get myself some fags and chow.
I guess after reading through this tripe you deserve a link. Well, here it is. Funny, too.. If a bit large. Have patience if you are on a dial-up connection. Although if you are on a dial-up, you've learned patience a long, long time ago... Grasshopper out.
Yesterday's glory...
11.06.2004
I woke up at 7 fucking AM this morning. No kidding. And that after going to bed at 2 am (had a nasty little fight with me ball & chain). Anyway, morning sucked. What sucked most of all though, was the realisation that I have wasted a lot of study time and all for nothing. And that I had an entrance exam not 2 hours away. Hell, I was so perturbed by the thought that I even brushed my teeth!! Anyway, arriving early so as to be sure of where to go (the exam room was not announced till 1h before the exam), I chain smoked for a while, and discovered a little orange juice-package in my backpack that must have been there since the Russian Revolution. It tasted of potatoes, for some reason. I was not impressed. Even less impressive was the fact that the bloody juice gave me deadly flatulence. So there I sit waiting for my doom... But enough about that.
The test itself went better than I expected. I am, after all, a native Russian speaker, and I know how to bullshit myself through tests. After all, I did pass through high school with moderate matriculation grades while doing nothing and skipping most of it. The bit where I could not bullshit was the terminology bit. And questions involving finnish grammar were profoundly confusing. I have an instinctual knowledge of finnish, my finnish is practically on a native level, but I never learned the grammar.. So while I might have done good on 2 out of 3 sections, I am still out. It's ok (NOT!), I will enroll in the open university to do some courses, then apply again. Maybe by then I will have even decided what to do with my life. But what the fuck, its quite okay. Sniff. Hence the Karjala 12-Pack (only 8,80 thanks to the alcohol tax decrease). And I might go to dads place to have some cognac and a chat.
But lets get to the link of the day. I am serving you a double offering again: The first one is an account (by one of the writers on their staff) on Something Awful about doing some time in a mental institution. Sound very truthful to me. The second one is not nearly as entertaining, being just a little flash game...
My comforter for today.
10.06.2004
Wow. Man I'm a lazy updater of late. I blame the summer. And the entrance exam I have tomorrow (and that I will undoubtedly fail for a good reason). I also got bitten by the sailing bug. Again. Hard.
Actually, that bug is an old friend of mine. I have been dreaming of the sea ever since I was 7 years old. And I always wanted to have a yacht of my own. Sailing, naturally. There is precious little pleasure to be had with powerboats, especially once you've tasted the full range of the exilarating emotions offered by sailing... And lately, I have been doing just that: sailing. A friend of mine has an H-Boat, an extremely popular class of racers-cruisers in Finland. So I have been spending some time enjoying the thrills and chills under it's sail. So blogging was transfered to the background, for time being..
Another, although not all together unforseen, side-effect from the sailing spree was the renewed urge to get a boat of my own. I shopped around on the net for a while, and decided to get one from Sweden. The prices are somewhat lower in general, and rather significantly for some boat models. I settled on Albin Viggen (page in Swedish). I called up my dad for the finances necessary, gathered up my old friend from the nun school, and set off across the big lake... To say that the "Viggen"'s were a dissapointment is to say nothing much at all. The boats looked mighty fat after the sleek 70's racing beauty of the H-Boat. The interior was better planned out, I grant you that. Cosier, too. But the rigging was flimsy. It looked like most of it was bought at a yard sale. I was on the verge of saying "Yes! I'll take it!", despite the sub-par performance promised by the hull shape and the flimsines of the rig. However, there proved to be some other faults with the boat, not the least of which was the rather shaky outboard mount, complete with an outboard from a past so distant that I probably wasn't even born yet when they manufactured the iron beast. So I returned empty-handed. Oh well.. I am now on a look out for a decent H-Boat, so if anyone is willing to sell one, send me an e-mail! In any case, I'm off to study for my Russian philology test...
And as for today's link... I am of two minds. It could either be one filled with pornographic filth, or with something else completely... You decide...
Sailing
home,
pretty and rather calm.
The Varmdö marina that housed the boats I wanted to buy.
