Well, I made it. I am now in the heart of darkness Finland, Kuopio. It might not be a place known for its fashionistas, but it sure is boring and small! Wait, that previous sentence wasn’t supposed to go like that. I think I was supposed to say something flattering and nice about the city at the end of the sentence… Whatever. I give up.
Yes, yesterday I found out that I were to go to Kuopio to work on a project at a major freight company. Just for a day. 11 to 18, that’s it. I agreed, as it was a voluntary assignment, theoretically, and I need the browny points and overtime. Besides, it would break the routine, maybe even be interesting in a way. And then I started trying to remember where the hell Kuopio actually was. And what a pleasant surprise it was then to discover that it was a four and a half hour drive away. That lead to me having to wake up at 5:30 this morning. And sitting behind the wheel at 6. Damn that shit was nasty. I woke up fine, but I didn’t have a proper night’s sleep despite falling asleep at 22, since my damn right shoulder/biceps is still giving me hell. Every time I fall asleep I roll over and lean on it, waking up to the pain. At least it acted as an impromptu alarm clock, every thirty minutes or so, preventing me from reaching deep sleep that is such a bitch to wake up from.
The first hour of the drive to Kuopio was hell, as I vaguely anticipated the day before. It was still dark when I started, and foggy as well. I felt my eyes glueing shut, I yawned and shuddered, I was a wreck. The car slid lazily from side to side, occasionally startling me by straying onto the vibrolines. At some point I just couldn’t take it any longer and pulled over at a gas station, despite the perceived hurry. Stertched a bit, jumped about in the crisp autumn air, got the blood flowing… And bought a couple of energy drinks, even though I really shouldn’t drink coffeine (due to the SSRI’s I’m taking). After that the combined effect of taurine and caffeine kept me energised and aware, while the nausea and the shakes from the SSRI side effects kept me awake and paranoid. After I woke myself up and found a good talkshow to listen to on the radio (dealing with the school shooting, what else), I began to actually enjoy the trip. And even though I promised myself that I wouldn’t speed much (I usually drove 130 - 140kmh in a 120 zone, before the police cameras showed up, after which I turned into a law abiding citizen) I decided to put the white girl to the test once again. This time I squeezed out a bit over 180km/h out of her. I think I could have pushed her to 190, but every additional second of speeding raised the chances of getting caught and getting a murderous fine, as well as my license revoked, so I didn’t. As I drove I also encountered record numbers of roadkill. There were crows everywhere, feasting on festering meat of unidentified furry creatures. I guess autumn makes them active and stuff, looking for food and a place to spend the winter… But even with carcasses behind every bend of the road autumn in finland is beautiful, the scenery breath taking. I stopped on the way to take a few pictures once I saw that I was making good time, and to take a whiz on all this golden-red splendor…
Right. My time in Kuopio is thankfully coming to an end, so I can jump into my chariot and go be a road menace once again. But first links. You might have heard about the “Human Jet” guy, he was supposed to fly across the English Channel today. Due to the weather he has postponed the attmept until tomorrow. I hope he succeeds, or at least crashes in a memorable and spectacular fashion recorded from every angle. Oh, and if you ever wanted to torment a telemarketer, here’s how. And with only one word! And if you ever wondered what goes on in a lap dancer’s mind (I don’t. Who cares?), wonder no more. Who would have thought, yawn. And the last one. Movie wisdom. Can’t go wrong with it.